Sunday, May 10, 2009

Missing My Mom

Mother's Day is Happy. I love being a Mom. It makes me happier than anything else I could do here on earth. I love getting pampered for a day. I love the little homemade cards from the kids, and the thought they put into my gifts. And I love it that Alan splurges and lets them buy me those really good gifts! It also stings a little. I've been kinda down for a month or so, really thinking a lot about my Mom and wishing she were still here. I wish we could go eat at McAlister's for lunch. I wish I could hear her say "what are ya doin?" in her tone of voice as she calls me to see what I'm up to for the day. I wish I could ride around on the golf cart with her and watch her take care of her puppies. I'd even take the arguing and the things that frustrated me to no end. Except I'd let those things go. If she were still here.

I was doing fine until we walked into church and the first thing the greeter asked me was "is your mother still alive?" I answered and he handed me a white carnation. I walked away thinking... "well that was a lovely way to start the morning." My mother-in-law mentioned that they must be passing out different colored flowers based on if your own mother is alive or not. I'm glad she caught that. Turns out, it was a blessing to carry around that white flower. As I shook hands with others in the church, or as we were greeted by my in-laws friends, there was an unspoken tenderness in the eyes of those who saw my white flower. No words had to be shared... just the look in their eyes or the expression on their faces let me know they were sorry. It was especially nice to share that look with a few other moms who also had a white flower of their own.

I sure do miss her. I am so thankful she was a good Mom. And I'm glad I had many Mothers Days to tell her so.


Matt said...

This is good.

Jodie said...

oh, I am so glad that church turned out first reading I wasn't sure how it was going to end. It sounds like it turned out okay. My heart grieves with you. I'm sorry.