Friday, January 1, 2010

It's A New Year... It's A New... Almost Everything.

Wow. I don't know about New Year's Resolutions, but I do know there's a whole lotta changes goin' on with this girl!

Changes on the inside. Changes on the outside. Changes on the kid-side. Changes on the $-side. Changes on the "how I'm feeling about it all"-side.

First of all, let me just say "Oh My Gosh I'm turning into my Mother!?!?!?" What in the heck is wrong with me? Lately all I want is to do is live in the country on a little-bit-a land, focus on my kids, grow a garden, eat as naturally as possible, have some chickens, and spend time with family. And you know what I just realized? She was my age when they moved to Oologah. And Selah is now almost the age I was when we moved. OKAY! Okay. Deep breath. Must be a "phase of life" thing.

I'm bringin' it back around. I am trimming the excess. My purpose on earth is to live a life that glorifies God. That~ in itself ~will filter out and help me do all the things I should be doing to make my life worth living.

I know, and have always known, that I was born to be a wife and a mom. Period. However, I am also a woman (duh... I know... don't judge me... this is me talking out loud... yes, it's usually this random) (and I do talk out loud to myself quite frequently, thank you very much!)
With this whole deal of being a woman, God blessed me with the ability to be creative. I am driven. I seek approval. I like to be successful. I take on more than I can handle, but I somehow still "handle" it. But not as good as I could if I would trim the excess.

The past few years I have started my own business and watched it boom! I have loved the success and fulfillment that it has brought me, personally. I love it each time I deliver a platter back to someone's Mom or Grandma. I love it when I see pictures on Facebook and my platters are in the background, or when I meet someone and they say "Oh! You're the Plate Lady!?!?" I love it that I have paid for the kids to attend private school, and that I've been able to buy the things I wanted to fix up our house, or that I've been able to give to people in need.
I am cutting back though. In the midst of this success, I have grown from it in several ways, but I also need to trim away. It is an "excess" in my life, and it served a great purpose. I will still be doing some of it, but not the magnitude that I have the last few years. I still want the opportunity to be creative and to give this gift of preserving kids hand/foot prints. But I will be cutting way back on my production. Possibly only doing a couple parties for the entire year, rather than 10-15 parties a year. I will still welcome people to come to my home for business. Alan and I are also working on a plan to grow the business, but in another direction. So, me painting less, but growing it in a different way. (stay tuned for more details).
One HUGE way my business venture has been good for me: I now understand and can relate to a "career woman" as I call her. I have always been so domesticated and 110% stay-at-home-mom-and-wife, that I almost felt disappointed for the families or kids of a mom that chose to work. I hate to admit that, but it's true. Now... after feeling and understanding the drive for success and the fulfillment that comes with that, I sort-a "get it" now. I know it feels good. While for me, it's still not #1, I can at least relate. In that way this business venture of mine has been a good thing.

I believe it's also been good for my kids to see me work and pursue something I love. Art. Creativity. Good business. After all, this is part of what we read about in Proverbs 31.
However... I'm not sure the Proverbs 31 woman had 3 little kids at the time of all her successful business ventures, community efforts, etc. For ME... this "born to be a Mommy and Wifey" kind of girl... I am turning my heart back towards home.
I have spent too many hours the past 3 years with my mind set on other things... not relating to home. And that has been eating away at who I am. Eating away at what I have to give to Alan, the kids, my family, my neighbors, my church. I love to cook, but can't find the time or energy. I love "teachable" moments with my kids, but can't seem to find the time or the patience. I would love to be able to relax, sew, make things, etc. but of course, can't find any time left for that! Serving and helping in church has become a "should do" rather than a "want to do."
So... I can't do it all. And what I love most, deserves my best!
So, less on the business side, more on the home front.

Things I Value Most:
~my faith
~my family - being a Mom, wife, sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, cousin
~my secure relationship with my husband, and the choices we made from before we even knew each other, that have put us where we are today
~a comfy "spot"
~certain things with family ties (ie. heirlooms, especially handmade)

I've been feeling this since last summer. It takes me a long while to make major changes. I will admit ~ it hit me the hardest this busy fall/Christmas season. I only had 1 week before Christmas to make/do Christmas crafts, baking, and other festivities. I also would hear myself saying "I'm so jealous!" when my cousin, or my Aunt, or my friends would talk about sitting in the recliner... reading or sewing or watching TV or anything relaxing. I would say "that sounds so dreamy!" After awhile, I began to ask myself why I have set up such a busy life for myself that I have crowded out any room for that sort of leisure. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to sit on my butt all day and be lazy. But going non-stop all day ~ even eating my meals standing on my feet~ then putting the kids to bed, kissing Alan goodnight as he goes to bed by himself, and then staying up 'til 2am to paint just isn't even in the realm of leisure.

More than anything. I'm too grouchy. I'm not as loving as I should be. I'm not as sweet and concerned for others. In a way I feel like if I turn my focus toward the kids... towards people again... towards God and what I can do for Him... then everything will kind-of fall into place.
I've taken on too much. And it's time for a good "trim."

So. Here it is in a nutshell.

~ enjoy life
~ savour the day
~ set my heart on things above, not on earthly things
~ not only love my husband, but really like him again
~ cook at home more, eat out much less
~ organize and get things in order around here
~ smile and laugh more
~ spend less money
~ do more fun stuff with the people that mean the most to me ~ it's going by quick

And most of all ~ instead of expending so much energy to provide/create/bring about a wonderful life ~ I'm just going to [try] to sit back and enjoy this wonderful life that is right here in front of me.

Happy 2010!

ps. and this is only part of the changes...


Carri said...

I am SOOOOOO with you, girl! LOVE!

Steph T. said...

Great post girl! Way to encourage all of us moms to remember what's important in our lives. I admire you so much and the changes you are making. I am trying to do the same myself. You are such a great mom...just like your mom. Let's hold each other accountable to this!!
love you!!!

mommyof3andlovinit said...

Thanks girls! That means alot to me.

Jodie said...

I have finally caught up on my reading. (about time huh?) Just wanted to say that I'm with you 100% of the way, baby. It is always a good thing to reevaluate our lives and remove the things that tie us down to stress and a lack of contentment. I am wondering myself what I need to prioritize. Thanks for sharing.