Friday, February 26, 2010

Baby Fever ~ BAD!

(Selah Alyssa Grace)

Yep. ((very deep sigh)) I want another baby. I have for awhile now, kind-of off and on. But lately I've really been wanting another one. Charis just isn't a baby anymore, and yes, I am having a hard time with it. She's still MY baby, but she's so strong and independent, and can pretty much do what the other 2 kids do AND MORE! Now anything "baby" is gone from this house.
She still naps and wakes up, stumbling through the house with a bad case of bedhead, looking for me, and wants to snuggle (melts my heart every single time)... she still sleeps with me every night (on my pillow, with one leg and/or one arm thrown over me), and she still talks like a baby sometimes (when she's trying to get what she wants, mostly) but other than that... the
"babyness" is gone.

Alan is done. I want another. The other night he suggested that we both be praying about it, and that God will either change where his head is, or put a peace and rest in my heart. Alan would have to get a reversal, and he just isn't sure he wants to go through that. I'm like "what are you talkin' about!?!? You'll be fine!!" The other day he told me he looked it up on-line and saw pictures. Yeah. That wasn't a good thing for him to do ~ ha!

No, adoption is not something I'm really interested in. I'm one of the rare few that love being pregnant, having the baby, nursing the baby, etc.

(the morning of Charis' birth ~ leaving for the hospital)

We had all the kids so close together, that it was stressful often times, and sort-of a blur. We didn't have family to help us out much. This time the kids are so much older that it would be fun for all of us, I think! The kids are wanting another baby too. But... like Alan said when he got the Vas. after Charis was born... I'll probably never be "done" having kids. Although I know I would NOT want more than 4 kids (shoot, even 4 sounds like alot!), he's probably right that I will never be that woman that says "I'm SOOOO done having kids!"

(Charis Alayna Anne)

My babies were all such GREAT babies! Slept good off the bat, no crying or colicky problems. And my pregnancies are so easy and I just GLOW through it all.

I even have a name picked out for her (because I do think I would try for another girl). And for some crazy reason that name keeps popping up all the time lately. Weird.

Anyway, I've got a case of the baby blues I think. I'm trying to sort through it all and see if it's just a realization of the inevitable "next phase" of life. Or if it is something that our family would want to do again. Well, I know the kids and I would be... if Alan were to decide to go through his little part :-)
There is an element of not having a baby that is kind-of nice (I hate to even say that). But after watching my sis-in-laws (on both sides of the families) having to monitor and run after a baby/toddler during holiday gatherings... watching the moms with a "just walking" baby have to chase after them at soccer games... it is during those times I sit on my be-hind and think "I'm glad I don't have to do that anymore!"

(Bryson Noah)

But all the other baby stuff... diapers, nursing, waking up at night, the sling, the strollers, the blankies and burp cloths, etc. Those parts don't bother me at all. In fact, that's a big part of what I miss!

Another thing that is a big part of the tug on my heart... since I did have mine so close together, they are all going through everything at the same time (which is great), but they'll also all be teenagers at the same time, and then with-in 3 years, they'll all be gone - grown up - at college at the same time.

Well. I guess I'll just have to see what is ahead. Either me coming to a realization of our family being truly and infinitely complete, or perhaps finding myself praying for a little ****** to come into our lives.

In the end, I do know that I was born to be a Momma, and I feel so blessed to have these 3 incredible, amazing little kids that "God has so graciously given to us" Genesis 33:5! Thank you Lord!

ps. I just showed Bryson the picture of me when I was pregnant with Charis, and he said "You were that big?" then he chuckled and said "Instead of fat I used the word big." "Thank you!" I said, flatly.


Steph T. said...

what sweet baby pics...I do miss those days and mine were close also...not quite as close as went way to fast for me too. NOW...don't get me wrong...I don't want another...unless God ya go! But I do miss those bedheads coming down the hall sucking on binki!!

Can't wait for Friday night! We are gonna have fun!!

Carri said...

Looking at all of those sweet baby pictures will give ANYONE baby fever! They are all so adorable. I've got it now...thanks a lot...and I still have a baby! But I do understand what you are going through...mainly the "stage of life"'s hard to think that I'll never need a baby swing again or I'll never need the infant carrier/carseat's sad. I know that you will NEVER regret having another one, but you might always wonder what if? So just do it! :) Says the girl who probably isn't having more than 2! Let's get together soon!

kenziekylanmom said...

What sweet baby pics! I am so with you on wanting another one, I've wanted another one for years and years but it's probably not going to happen for our family. If it happens for you then let me babysit so I can get my baby fix! LOL!

Personalized baby blanket said...

They looks like angles from the God

KRISTYD said...

I hear you girl!! I want more babies all the time but then I don''s a never-ending tug-a-war concerning our mommy emotions! You're babies are just precious and I am so happy life has blessed you so! I just remember you helping in wee worship and in jr is really awesome to get to catch up with you through facebook and your blog! Blessings~

Jesse said...

Love the pics! Crazy to think they are all so grown up.