Saturday, November 22, 2008

This Time Last Year, #3

Mom was in the hospital and in and out of consciousness. It was the weekend, and we spent the days and evenings in the waiting room with friends and family. It was actually a really special time in that waiting room. We essentially set up camp. Family was up there 'round the clock. Lynette was great about keepin' us fed. It was nice to have the support from friends and family... some that we hadn't even seen for awhile. Our minister would drop in every night to pray with us. We were in and out of her room. Dad and Daniel were always nearby and cared for her every need. We knew the end was probably near.
I recorded a song for Mom, I recorded it early because I knew I wouldn't be able to make it through after she died. It was the song How Sweet Is Heaven, by Shades of Green.
I brought a cd of the recorded song to the hospital this night one year ago, along with my plates and paints. I told Mom I wanted to get her hand prints and some finger prints to paint some "memory" plates and ornaments for the grandkids. I wanted to be alone with her. Dad made sure noone came in. She was barely responsive. I think she knew what I was doing... she was able to cooperate a little when I was getting her prints. But she didn't say anything. She probably couldn't. Just looked at me. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I cried. I hated that moment, but I love that moment. It was awful, but it was so special. I would never want to do that again, but I so treasure the pieces that I have with her prints on them and I'm so glad I did it. She was my biggest cheerleader when I was starting up my business... who knew I would be getting her own prints and in this situation.

This Saturday, today, one year later, we spent the afternoon at my Dad's house. He had a fish fry, and invited us, Lynette, Heather and her kids, James, David and his family. It kind-of took me back to that weekend of being surrounded by family.
I imagine Thanksgiving will always bring a sting to my heart, but it also fills my heart with love as I think of my Mom and of the family that I have been born into. There are a very few things in this world that tug at my heart in a strong way, and my family is one of them. I do not take for granted that both Alan and I were and are blessed with incredible parents. We love our siblings, and adore our nieces and nephews. Of all the things we have been given in this life, I am most thankful for our family.

One year ago we ended that night in the hospital with playing the song for my Mom. Dad wanted to whole family to crowd in her room (once a proud Dad, always a proud Dad... that's sooo something he and my Mom would always do... and as usual I sat in the back of the crowd, feeling weird as everyone was listening to my voice singing her a song. Oh well).

"I'm not ready to say 'good-bye.' My heart is heavy. My head hurts from the tears I've cried. And though there is a reason - I may never understand - there's one thing I'm sure of... you are home and in His hands."

No comments: