Monday, November 17, 2008

This Time Last Year

This time last year we were all together at my Mom and Dad's house. We had just found out my Mom had cancer... pretty much everywhere in her body. It's kind-of strange how the body works... Once we knew for sure it was cancer, it's like her body resolved to the fact, and shut down in a matter of days.
These past few days I've found myself thinking back to exactly where we were and what was happening "one year ago today."
One year ago yesterday everyone in the family came to the house. Mom's parents, sisters and brother, Dad's parents and sisters. Friends. Extended family. Everyone was crying, saying their "good-bye's", "I'm sorrys," "please forgive me for..." and "I love yous." I spent much of that day on the couch watching and listening to all the family and friends come to be with her one last time.
She was forgiving. Loving. Encouraging to everyone. Telling us that "we would be fine, and we would see her again soon."
Her peace is what God had done for her the first time she had cancer. 10 years ago. My 2 youngest brothers were freshman in high school. She prayed that God would heal her... that she would at least be able to see the boys graduate from high school. One year ago, I heard her tell again and again, that "she had prayed for 4 more years and God gave her 9. She wanted to see her boys graduate high school, and she got that plus was able to fall in love with 5 grandkids".
She never once cried. Even when alone with Dad. She was totally at peace. For as long as I can remember she has looked forward to the day she would be in Heaven. I never could relate to that (still can't). I know heaven will be great, and I'm glad that's where I'll be in the end, but I really like my life here on earth. Mom did too, but she loved the Lord so much and truly had a desire to be with Him, and to be in a perfect place.
One year ago today, she started sleeping most of the day. She got up in the morning and ate a few bites of yogurt. Matt and Janice were here, and James and Lydia. The kids all played outside most of the day. Somewhat aware of what was going on, but mostly enjoying playing with cousins at the farm.
Charis was barely 2 years old. Once Mom died, she was my biggest support. Doesn't that sound funny? When I would cry, or be sad, or talk about Mom having died, she would come over and hug me and say "it's okay Mommy... Grandma Vicki's in heaven!" It was simple and sweet and loving.
The other night I was laying in bed with her (that "tucking in" thing again!). We were talking about Mom, and I said "I miss my Mom so much. I wish she was still here." I was about to cry, but my voice had that "crying/sad" sound to it. Charis grabbed me around the neck and burried her face in my neck. She started crying and saying "I'm so sorry Mommy. I'm sorry Mommy. I'm so sorry." OMGosh. Then I really wanted to cry, but since she was so empathetic I needed to comfort her. I reminded her that we would get to see Grandma Vicki again some day. She looked at me with that upside down sad face, and asked me when Grandma was coming down from heaven.
Needless to say, we miss her. We still get sad. We still don't understand it all. God is the peace that passes all understanding.


Jodie said...

"To God be the glory for the things He has done. Voices of a million angels could never express the gratitude that I feel for the gifts that He gives to us."
Moms and daughters, sisters and friends and the love He gives us for one another.

6HappyHearts said...

Ok I'm all teary & trying to type...
I love you sister! I wish I had known your momma, she sounds like an awesome, Godly woman. The type of mother that I want to be for my babies.
I'm thinking & praying for you often this week.
Charis is appropriately named...
that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness:of the merciful kindness by which God, exerting his holy influence upon souls, turns them to Christ, keeps, strengthens, increases them in Christian faith, knowledge, affection, and kindles them to the exercise of the Christian virtues
God was hugging you last night through sweet, precious Charis : )

janice said...

*many tears* you and your sweet babies!